It was just a routine eye exam.

The annual visit where you read the letters from across the room, decide on new frames, get your pupils dilated, you know, that kind of appointment.

Until the optometrist started asking me about the medications I was taking and what I was taking them for. Then, we started talking about long COVID and the symptoms I was experiencing. She mentioned that she noticed some abnormalities and irritation and asked if I had noticed any changes. I agreed that, yes I had noticed a bit of a change, but nothing too serious, right?

By the end of the visit, she suggested I return in 6 months to see if there were any further changes or vision loss. She also recommended a few things I could do in the mean time. Honestly, I wasn’t listening because I was in a bit of a daze. I wasn’t sure how seriously to take this. After dealing with all the health issues I’ve had over the last year and three months, you would think that I could put this one on the back burner.–as the saying goes, “worrying means you suffer twice.” I sincerely tried to distract myself, but I ended up breaking down in the hotel room.

I thought to myself, “I’m in the middle of so many life changes. I have to be resilient. I can’t even afford to be sick or have serious health issues. I can barely manage the ones I’m currently dealing with.” I struggled against waves of melancholy and despair. Intrusive thoughts reminding me of all the things I’d miss and how I needed to take advantage of every moment. I’d never take another sunrise or sunset for granted.

I started scrolling through the photos in my camera roll and realized I’ve never been one to take those things for granted. My memory cards and albums are an abundance of sunrises and sunsets. I’m a very visual person, so it’s no surprise I’ve been capturing these moments.

I’ve suppressed this low grade despair for months now.

Last week, I went in to follow up. Thankfully, there weren’t any observable changes and the irritation is gone. I’ll go back in another 6 months to be sure. I’m not looking forward to seeing the eye doctor twice a year, but it’s worth the peace of mind. There were so many weaknesses and insecurities exposed by the pandemic, by having long COVID, and this, too.

Where are the cracks beginning to show in your life? Where are you threadbare? Where does a network of fissures threaten the very foundation your life is built upon? The worst of them are the ones you don’t see until it’s too late.